Her Memory Faded

Memory is the ability of the mind to recall and perhaps rekindle an event, a place, a person or whatever that is worth-remembering. When you lose your memory, I think it's tantamount to saying you have lost your everything.

She knew my face. The face of the little girl she once adored and cuddled in her arms. But she can't remember my name, nor my brothers'. It's not Alzheimer's. It was her memory fading, being selective as she had aged. I was not hurt when she cant remember me anymore. As long as she knows and remembers my mom and some of her siblings, I'm okay.

Although there were days when I'm still hoping that she would remember me. Hoping that apart from the usual greeting during her birthday, I would have talked to her about school, work and other things grandchildren tell their grandparents.

And I wish I was a lola's girl, but I think I'm not. She lived an hour away from our place and when we went to Manila to study, we only visited her every New Year and during the summer. I'm praying though that the affection I had shown her when I was little comforted her-- a little assurance to her that I'll grow up to be a fine young lady one day.

There was this one birthday of mine when lola went to Manila and visited our place. She learned that it was my birthday and before I headed to school, she handed me P200.00. She said it's her birthday gift to me. Maybe it was my 10th birthday. It made me happy then. And many Christmases ago, she gifted me a pair of porcelain shoe figurines. It was her last gift to me before some parts of her mind went blank. It was one of the most beautiful memory I have of her. I wish she could see me now, writing this. I wish she's also proud of me. I wish she's now happy in heaven. And I wish I was a lola's girl. Maybe I am, afterall.

(This is the Thank You Card I made and we will be sending out for those who offered their sympathy in our moment of grief.)

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