Not Meant to Be

When I was younger, I had these so called doctor dreams. I dreamt of becoming a doctor, having a doctor as a husband and having children who will continue the passion in medicine. I became the little assistant of my cousin then, who was a pediatrician, and I was pretty sure that time that I wanted to be like her. I don't know what happened to that dream. I guess the dream genie tweaked my life into something else. I really have no regrets. But if I can still turn back time, and if my dad would have said "sure honey, you can take medicine and i sure bet you won't become an old maid" I guess I would still want to be a doctor (yes my dad said the opposite of what was quoted). I would have taken Medicine and MedTech or Pharma as my pre-med, then perhaps specialize in Pediatrics, Gynecology or Dermatology.

I look up to doctors. In fact, I admire them a lot. I've been going to one dermatologist (Dr. Cuaso) in my whole life ever since I started getting zits in high school and up until now (I'm 20) I still go to her for skin problems. That if you compare my skin then and now, you wouldn't know that little miracles could actually happen. I also go to only one pediatrician (Dr. Tan King King, or sometimes her clinic partner Dr. Dy Suat Tong) and she's been great. I haven't been sick lately so it's been quite some time since I last saw her.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't want the undergrad I have taken. I know I have this little creativity dying to get out of me and taking Communication Arts was my best bet to let it all out. And I enjoyed every minute of my Comm Arts life. I wouldn't be where I am now if not because of all the activities I did back in college. And I wouldn't be living one of my biggest dreams this quick if I didn't take this degree. I will be one step closer to that dream on Monday.

Maybe my ambition of becoming a doctor is not meant to be. But a future- kick ass-doctor as a boyfriend will now be a part of the ambition list. And the doctors I look up to, will forever be an inspiration.

Chocolate Love Affair

When someone's stressed or depressed, she needs a shoulder to cry on. But since I'm so over that stage, as of now probably, I'm devouring these chocolates I got last Valentine's. Great. Just as I'm trying to lose inches, I'm adding extra lbs in eating these chocolatey goodness. Cant get my hands off them!

The Rainbow Connection

Who would have thought the girl would be all smiles today? Indeed, a rainbow appeared.

" Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me "

Sometimes, or most of the time, dreaming or sheer wishing... is believing.

A Bucketful of Tears

When did she ever learn to cry a bucketful of tears? She is supposed to master the art of suppressing her feelings, of holding back.

But all things shall pass. She can now see rainbows and sparkles peeking through the sky.

Of Sadness, Fear and Everything

And then a cloud of sadness envelopes the girl. She is suffocated from all her fears. She is pushing herself to take the bits and pieces of what she has- her strengths and aspirations- putting them altogether, like a jigsaw puzzle, turning the bleak into surreal.

Constantly, she prays for faint chances of disillusionment, of failures. Words that must have kept her awake until the wee hours of the morning, with warm tears that have dampened her cheeks and swollen her eyes. She likes to keep her faith and hope incessant though, so as to win the ordeal. And she needs her prayers. Deep, sincere and honest ones.

So that the next tears that will dampen her soft pale cheeks, are of joy and happiness.