Sleep Well, EJ

It took me so long to write an entry about our closest cousin. Up until now I kind of refuse to imagine how's Christmas or New Year gonna be like. I grew up being in the same table with him every noche buena, but this year it will be entirely different.

No one will wolf down on my spaghetti, or finish a plateful of mom's chicken macaroni, or have two servings of the graham cracker cake, or even the fruit cocktail jelly. It's so hard to write this because I am imagining him at the dining table, so happy, always so full of life.

When we were young, while I busy myself with my barbie dolls, my brothers and my cousin would be playing the family computer, then later on Sega. We had our own classic gameboys, we swap Super Mario tapes or whatever he has that we do not have. He's the youngest and the only son, so he was always taken cared of, until his last day on earth.

There's this sense of protection you feel when you're with him. He's too huge he can easily crush someone with his fist. Yet even at his wake, even if he's lying there peacefully, I can still feel that sense of protection from him, because I know he will always be present wherever we are now. He will take care of his mom, our beloved auntie, his sisters, his nephews and niece, our relatives, our family.

Earnest, I know you can hear me. Wherever you are now, I know you are happy and free from all your medications. I always ask Mama Mary to be with you there in heaven.

This noche buena, there will be a plate for you at the table. Help yourself with all your favorite foods. I miss you, pinsan. I will miss you, forever. Please say hi to Lola.

Sleep well.

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