Rants and Realizations

Oh yes. I have fallen prey to this ridiculously addictive Plurk that swears by the tagline "Your Life, On the Line". Who would have thought sharing one-liners by the minute would capture the interest of fellow plurkers, or even to complete strangers? And who would have thought a legendary writer by the name of Paulo Coelho would have his own Plurk account?

I have been following his Plurks and I'm dazzled because it's as if he's always into his own silent retreat. His plurks consist of points to ponder on, little ideas that other plurkers can discuss to one another. One time his plurk was something about a circle, although I can vaguely recall what's it about, I found myself enjoying his plurks.

Like last night, I read something that would be meaningful for the rest of my week. The writer wrote "Risks are risky! Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. Indecision is worse. If ur heart tell you something, follow it, relax and enjoy!" This just summarized what I am feeling right now, right in this moment of painfully waiting and waiting in vain.

I'm sorry I just need to vent out what I am feeling now. And thanks to Mr. Paulo Coelho, I was enlightened. What I did was to put myself in a very risky situation. And who is it to blame? I can't think of no one but myself. If I'm going to the roots of my situation, it is always me who's at fault. I was given choices then, whole lot of them. But I failed to choose which one was right. No one was even guiding me on my options. I would have wanted something different, but I opted for another thing because worse comes to worse, I sure bet THEY wouldn't have the guts to manage it well.

And when it's time to suffer the consequences, it's hard, pitiful, painful. Just like what you get when you wait for something you don't know if you're gonna get it. I am always praying for things, asking God to just do His will. But why am I so afraid? I'm afraid I might fall and fail. Again like I always do. I am so scared of what will happen.

I guess what I have left is my faith. That even if everything scares the hell out of me, I still have my faith to lean on. All my faith, Lord. I will accept everything because it is Your will, not mine, that will be done. I trust You in all of these, just like what I always do.

Photo credit: http://th08.deviantart.com

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