Connect the Dots

There has to be gray areas in a black & white life.
I have no feelings anymore. My heart's numb, it cannot even feel the hurt nor the pain. I feel nothing. When I think about it, all I can do is let out a long, weary sigh. But I have learned a lot from all of these, and I know have a lot to be thankful for. Life will never be perfect, but we can try to make it better by being a better person. 

If I have to name one thing I love to collect now (it was Lisa Frank stickers when I was nine), it has to be my thousand and one fears. I have a lot of things that I'm afraid of. The least I can do to reassure myself that everything's going to be okay is to tell my head that I have good people to lean on and a God to pray to. 

This should just be a phase but at this point in your life, I don't know anymore. You made me the strong person that I am but my heart is not a rock just like yours. My heart still knows how to cry. My heart longs for that something we really never had, we really never shared. 

It pains me that everything has to be in this way right now. I have always wished and prayed that you find your own solace and think of the people you have wronged, and be at peace with yourself. 

I know there have been decisions done wrong, plans gone wrong. I know you cannot redo them but if you give yourself a chance to evaluate them, you can put everything back to life, back to where it used to be, or maybe even better.


Last Birthday in Taiwan

This mini card was placed at the breakfast table.
My wonderful housemates.
I love them all! :)
The super yummy cherry brownie cheesecake!

Hoping that things would turn out the way they should, meaning I'd get my masters degree June next year, this twenty second birthday of mine is the last I'd celebrate here in Taiwan. I've been away for one and a half years now and celebrating birthdays overseas couldn't have been more lonesome. However, because of the gift of friends God has showered me with, the two birthdays I have had here in Taipei had been truly memorable. 

If last year I celebrated in Ikea, this year I had a simple dinner at home with my housemates, and one friend I haven't seen for ages. The world is getting smaller day by day as you meet people you don't have the slightest idea you'd be meeting in another place. I'm talking about Pat Cruz, a friend and a classmate in few courses back in college. Who would have thought I'd meet her here in Taipei after maybe three years of not seeing her. She was late for dinner but she made up with all her stories of surviving here. 

My housemates prepared burgers and salad, and a really yummy cherry brownie cheesecake they assembled together. I have no plans of celebrating my birthday because, well, the September and October stipend has not arrived yet, and I have nothing in mind, except maybe for a little shopping. I'm so grateful my housemates planned something for me. They prepared a game just to test how well I know them, with questions ranging from who went to this college, whose hobby is horseback riding etc. I had a good time laughing and answering (ermm guessing).

I was also so happy reading all messages posted on my FB wall, twitter, emails and sms. I have to thank God for this life because without Him, I wouldn't be here living this beautiful life. 

Of course a birthday wouldn't be complete without wishes. One of them is for me to finish my thesis on time. I need a really strong motivation to write and finish it as soon as possible if I want to go home and find a good job. Today I went home with nine books in my bag (four of them I just carried in my arms). I don't know how I stuffed them together with my laptop, but I swear they were so heavy. 

Time to get started. Hoping that I will feel motivated each step of the way. God is always helping me out, I know He'll not let me down on this one. :)