Disappointment


I hate it when I disappoint myself. I hate it when I wish for something I know would never ever happen. But then again, that's life. Take it or leave it. I wish that day would come when I have nothing to be worried about. Not even a wrinkle on my jaw line, or few strands of gray hair. Carefree is the word. I wanna be carefree.

One day, I'd wear a full skirt and dance my way around the greenest fields. I'd walk barefoot on the most beautiful beach and make sandcastles. Why is it so easy to say "Don't worry about tomorrow"? When at the deepest root of each word, lies the hardest core, the inability to comprehend that single line.

I have wanted to be this and that. I have disappointed myself so many times. I guess disappointing yourself more than anyone in the world hurts the most. I have failed myself once and I don't want to do it again. I will be who I want to be, even if it's just my second option. I have zero chances of returning to and being on my first option. But if I have to live my life all over again, I wouldn't let people intrude or stop me. Not anymore. To my future children, you'll be lucky to have me as your mom. That I'll assure you.

So much for disappointments. I have always been dreaming. I have always been believing. There's no stopping me now. I love looking forward to tomorrow because it's time to start afresh, anew.

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