No Festive Atmosphere


Can I just fast forward time, days and years? I want to fast forward years and see the future. Thing is, I keep on dreaming and dreaming and the idea of not getting there scares the hell out of me. I have always been so positive about everything, life in general. Someone even coined me as a fountain of positivism. But is that enough to keep me holding on to whatever I have in mind?

The festive atmosphere of Chinese New Year (Kiong Hee Huat Chai by the way) did not leave me any good. Watching Ugly Betty in Studio 23 just made things terrible. You know how I feel about going to New York, of all places. You know about my dreams of walking in Manhattan with a cup of coffee in my hand and biting a cream cheese bagel (yes ala Devil Wears Prada, plus the trench coat and Jimmy Choos).

However if the so called "things" I'm planning will go smoothly, give me five years or so, and include novenas and prayers, and I'm off to NYC. God help me.

For now, I guess I just have to swallow everything and immerse myself in what my new work has to offer. One word though, challenging. Challenging it is. And I swear, everything that I'll be earning shall go to the bank. No shopping whatsoever for the next six months.

Let's Talk About Love


Don't you just love that cute little word I posted? Anyway... I'm not really feeling me today. I'm thinking less of the things I used to think about for the past two days that I'm officially out of my Hello Kitty-filled cubicle. Oh well, maybe. Maybe not. I'm craving of thinking, or writing rather, about love.

After watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (where Niko did shed a couple of tears), I was amazed by how love can cast a spell unto someone. The eyes twinkle, the skin glows, the cheeks flush. The heart is filled with a sea of emotions causing you to give your all, your everything. Magnificent isn't it? That I hope the world can someday be free of hatred and just embrace the idea of learning to love everyone, good or bad.

But that's just about it. I can no longer expound and share things about romance, relationships and all that hullabaloo of love. Because I never really cared about those silly romantic things ever since the world began (well except for some Nicholas Sparks and Judith Mcnaught that moved me to tears page after page).

I have always thought of love in other aspects, say, in the sense of loving what I do, what I have, and what I believe in. But that thought would always bring me to the reason why I left the good people in my first job, and every time I think about this I feel sad and guilty.

It did break my heart, and it broke theirs too, but my reason would still be this concept of love, in a no-romantic level. I no longer love where I am, or what I'm doing. Talking to two dear old friends whom I haven't seen for months (and years, the other one) has helped me realize "love" in another form- that love begins in the word called "self" and extended or shared in the word called "others".

Now I know how to go about life, and dreams, and ambitions, bit by bit, step by step. Hoping it would help me reach my ultimate dream, someday, somehow. And yes, cheesy and mushy, but as they say, "love will make a way". Hoping also that I will love the next job, and the upcoming ones :)

It's a Wrap!


Seven months and I called it a wrap. No cuts, no breaks. I'm all done and done in my months of fears and frustrations. I have finally learned to say no, not anymore, not this time. (Darn, that sounded like a love issue! But no dear friends, thank heavens it's not.)

I realized how decision takes you from one place to another, how it changes your perception, how it teaches you to look deep down inside and see what's missing, and ultimately, how it pushes you to fill that certain gap in your heart.

And I'm off to a new ground. Lights Camera Action. God bless me.

Goodbye, For Now



She called me "the lady in pink" that first day of class in June, when I raised my hand to answer her question I couldn't even remember, something about Economics maybe, as that's what the class is about. And from then on, I have fallen in love with her teaching prowess.

I'm not good in Economics. But I did read every single page in our Econ book that she would ask us to read, and did every assignment she would ask us to take home. I listened to her every discussion as she wouldn't allow books on top of our table while she's discussing. I enjoyed her class that I got really good grades in all my quizzes, unit tests and quarterly exams. I'm not being arrogant but I'm just proud to say that I think I got the highest grade in class- in Econ, that is. She even asked me to be the class recorder of grades and seat works and I was happy she trusted me with that.

Her witty antics spiked up every classroom activity we had. I loved her class the most, apart from my English-Lit and Filipino. Even if she'd ask us row by row to line up in front, and we would start looking at each other as if saying 'what's this about?' Never did we know it's time for her so-called firing squad recitation, her signature kind of recitation, aside from the "shotgun" one. The mechanic is pretty simple, first student in line should answer the question, if he or she can't, sorry but minus points for everyone in the line!

I don't really know, maybe she had a fascination with guns or something. We have firing squad recitation, shotgun (where she will just point at you and you should stand straight and answer) but this one is definitely the best- before we officially start the class, she'll check for bits & pieces of trash, then she will point at them and say "Kalats over there, taks! taks! taks!" *pointing her fingers like a pistol*and the class would burst into laughter.

Her ultimate crush? Who else but MMDA's BF? She was so happy that morning when she was able to watch BF in Umagang Kay Ganda. She was giggling when she said "Ang chubby chubby niya! That's my Mr. Chubby!" I missed her smile and her giggles after I graduated from high school that WInnie and I visited her in the summer of 2006. We learned she was just recuperating from breast cancer. She was full of hope then, still all smiles after all those time. We sat down in her sala and she started her stories. She didn't teach for a year, trying to gain strength for she'll be going back to school the year after that. She taught for another two years, if I'm not mistaken.

I never went back and visited her. Although I did have plans last 2007 and 2008, they never pushed through. Never did I know that my visit during that summer, was the second to the last. Her cancer metastasized. January of 2007, she accidentally tripped, and eventually they learned that she had bone cancer.

I saw her for the last time yesterday, my favorite teacher lying peacefully. I talked to her mother, and then to her sisters. "Oh, you're the lady in pink she's always talking about!" blurted one of her sisters. Wow, I never thought she would include me in her conversations with her family. Her mom who went home from the US was holding my hand as I was telling her stories to comfort her. And then I looked at my favorite teacher for the last time. Holding back my tears, I whispered my prayers.

I felt a pang of guilt. I should have visited for another time and showed her love. Knowing what she went through, which was highly unimaginable because a person like her doesn't deserve that kind of a treatment, I felt sad, disappointed. But then, on the other hand, knowing that she is now in the hands of our Father made me feel better. My favorite teacher died in pain, physically and emotionally. She's finally happy, and pain-free.

After each class, she would always say (and sometimes wave to the class) "Goodbye, for now!"

Now, I'd be the one to say that to her. "Goodbye, for now!, Ma'am Finina Contreras!" Remember what you wrote at the back of my class picture when I asked you to sign it? Now it's my turn to say, "You're always here ♥ "

I love you and you'll always be my favorite teacher.

Love,
Your lady in pink

Backtrack


So let's backtrack a bit, shall we? Afterall, New Year is not always about the beginning, nor the end of the the past, it goes beyond; it goes on... and on... until we get to the new one again. Resolutions are so yesterday. Backtracking and remembering the past is a better thing to do. And I just like how Multiply serves as a diary, a 'historical' account of some sort of all the things that happened in 08.

Jan-Feb was the start of our thesis shooting. Met a lot of nice people in Pampanga, Cagayan and Sucat. In doing this thesis, I have realized he bittersweet realities of life. There are really those who were born lucky and need not to sweat for money, while there are those who have to work hard and earn the fruits of their labor after.

March was the editing process of our thesis, and the preparations for Sir Doy's surprise birthday and retirement party. It's also the most stressful month- combining Invjorn and Thesis was a bad idea. We successfully defended our thesis during the first week of April and after that, we went on to a vacation mode. (Now that made me miss school, and Sir Doy, and his freebies.)

My cousins scheduled a bonding session last May. We went to Cebu and had a blast in our four-day stay. It's also the job-hunting and interview month. Bid goodbye to college in June and joined the workforce. Enjoyed work a bit. Was sent to Cebu in July, and Pangasinan in August.

September was a happy month since I have undergone rigorous trainings. But after my birthday in October, my manager left (heard she was forced to resign) and so was the fun and thrill of learning. The gloomy-ness lingered til November. I felt so tired and decided that the place where I was in, was not really for me. Submitted the big letter R. December came and the boss pleaded that I try and continue working for them. Oh, for crying out loud! I wanted to leave just before Christmas so I'll get into something new by the new year. But she didn't allow. I'd be stuck there in the same old office until the second week of January.

And there goes my year. Done in just a snap.

I have been reading The Alchemist, and a certain line/s caught me.

"Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

So I don't care anymore how carefree my decisions were the past year, or how abrupt my 'decision-making' was. I shouldn't have any regrets. Because just like the boy in The Alchemist, the decision I made had 'carried me to places I never dreamed of' - I met both good and bad people that changed my negative notions on life. And that for me is enough.

Happy 2009! The best is yet to come. I shall be holding on to whatever life has in store for me and wherever life takes me. Have lots of places to go and things to learn. :-)